The following parody story is purely fictional and is written just for fun. No malicious intent intended friends.
Malcolm, ScoMo and the 2017 federal budget
Malcolm scanned the room as he made his usual parliamentary address. He gazed at his treasurer, ScoMo, who upon making eye contact nervously blushed and looked away. They both knew what was coming. They had been looking forward to this moment for almost a year now. The discussion of the next federal budget.
As the speaker concluded the parliamentary session, both Malcolm and ScoMo had a little extra skip in their step. Together they hurried back to Malcolm’s large office, locked the doors and closed the blinds. It was time.
Undoing his tie, Malcolm quietly said to ScoMo, “If you beat Labor’s deficit with your budget surplus, I’ll get a stimulus package.” He threw in a casual wink for good measure.
ScoMo enjoyed this dirty talk from Malcolm, and knew the perfect response to arouse him. Last year they rushed the budget and that had ended in disappointment, so this year they were going to take their time to get it right.
ScoMo got as close as he possibly could to Malcolm – their bodies were touching and the faint smell of cologne still lingered on his post-parliamentary skin. He whispered in Malcolm’s ear, “We’re going to cut funding to universities and introduce drug testing for welfare recipients.”
The effect was instantaneous. ScoMo felt the giant bulge in Malcolm’s pants from his 12 inch stimulus package.
To Malcolm’s groans of pleasure ScoMo continued, “We’re gonna build more roads, rails and…. stiff… structures.”
“Mmmm yeah, more cuts,” Malcolm cried. He could no longer hold himself back. The two politicians began making sweet love.
But ScoMo was not finished talking dirty yet. “We are going to increase the Medicare levy to raise $8.2 billion”.
“MORE!” Malcolm screamed, arching his back with pleasure. This amount was pennies compared to his vast personal fortune.
“We are going to…. increase defense spending!” ScoMo was quickly running out of ideas.
“MORE MORE MORE!” Malcolm shrieked.
“We will… uhhh… umm… ahhh,” ScoMo sputtered, struggling to think of another idea.
“I’m gonna deliver my budget!” Malcolm bellowed as he got closer and closer to budgetary ecstasy.
ScoMo said the first thing that popped into his head. “We will make changes to negative gearing?”
ScoMo knew immediately he had failed Malcolm. Malcolm began crying and ScoMo felt his package shrink away – moments before finishing. The budget had once again failed, with all involved disappointed. Malcolm and ScoMo got dressed in silence and ScoMo left the room when the hallway was clear. They never spoke of negative gearing again.